Trust at the Tabletop (part one?)

In my roles as an achievement skills coach slash life coach and a writer/director of plays, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the subject of trust. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of time working at it, hacking away at it, and developing methods for deliberately building trust.

Also – in my time as a participant in RPGs, I have spent a lot of time thinking about trust. It seems like there’s plenty of room for exploration into ways to build trust before, during, and after our games. Suffice to say, this topic piques my interest.

Participating in a role playing game is a risky endeavor for all the players, including the person leading the session. What enables us to step out of our comfort zone – to speak up at the table, to try something new, to ask questions – is some combination of emotional courage (on our own part) and the trust that's been built up amongst the players at the table.

It does not automatically follow that the greater the trust, the greater the game. But without trust you are limited. The group is limited. The ceiling is lowered for the kinds of experiences you can have.

Trust is everything in creative endeavors. Trust is everything because we're looking for moments of true connection, which are often moments of vulnerability. Being vulnerable (which we could simply define as “going on on a limb”) requires trust because it’s a risky endeavor. And no one wants to embark on a risky endeavor with people they do not trust. However, there are few things more fun and exciting than taking big risks with people you trust down to your bones.

Think of how good it feels to be with people who you already believe will have your back, no matter what. These are the people who encourage you to truly speak your mind, to try on new and different sides of yourself, and to be bold.

I’m thinking about my wife, who’s got some brave ideas about how she might spend the next year. These ideas have seemed crazy to her, and speaking them in own her head, just to herself, she felt very small and very certain that the world would not tolerate these ideas. (Of course, I tried to encourage her, but there are times we need to test our ideas with people who won’t always say, “I love it!”)

Then, last week, we went out to dinner with some smart, worldly, and trusted friends. Acacia started to speak her ideas aloud. And these trusted friends cheered her on, pushed her to keep going, to voice even the wildest of her ideas. And I saw my wife light up with the thrilling energy of that moment.

That’s what it feels like to collaborate with people that you truly trust. You’re willing to walk right out onto the middle of that tight rope. Not only are you unafraid – you’re fired up about the dare.

That’s what I’m seeking when I play RPGs. And if you’ve experienced that kind of trust then you know how good it feels. It feels like flying.